Fear No Fear

(All scripture from Lexham English Bible, Copyright 2012 Logos Bible Software)

“You will make known to me the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy. At your right hand are pleasures forever.”

Psalm 16:11

One of the quickest ways to lose a friend is to tell them that they are responsible for your happiness. It’s simply something that goes wrong EVERY time. How can another person make you happy? How can they be responsible for the feelings you choose to build into emotions? It is a ridiculous proposition, yet as human beings we frequently do this in relationships – especially in marriage. It is what leads to codependency – where one person self-sacrifices in order to focus on someone else’s needs while ignoring their own (often becoming controlling or enabling destructive behaviour in order to keep person A depending on person B). Even when it doesn’t lead to codependency, it can lead to one person feeling overburdened and overwhelmed by the responsibility of making the other person happy. While being nice to others increases our personal sense of happiness, humanity was never designed to DEPEND on another human being for happiness. Especially in a marriage.

Marriage is NOT meant to make you happy. Your happiness does NOT depend on your partner. Yes, marriage is also not meant to make you miserable. This isn’t a slog through the swamps of despair pulling your partner along. Marriage is NOT the loss of your own identity OR your own free space/time. Marriage is a BLENDING of two people into a DUAL unit. Making each other better, building each other up, supporting each other, giving each other space, making many decisions communally – but not punishing or criticizing solo decisions, and becoming more effective at navigating life. While much of this CAN make us happier as people, the mechanism of being married and sharing life together doesn’t make you HAPPIER. If we see marriage as a pie-in-the-sky solution to our happiness levels, we will inevitably be disappointed. We were designed to function as workmates and partners whose happiness is secured in something ELSE in order to free each other from the burden of crafting each other’s moods.

“Consequently a sabbath rest remains for the people of God. For the one who has entered into his rest has also himself rested from his works, just as God did from his own works. Therefore, let us make every effort to enter into that rest, in order that no one may fall in the same pattern of disobedience” (Hebrews 4:9-11). we are meant to CHOOSE to rest in Jesus. Failing to rest in Adonai is how Adam CHOSE to sin (Genesis 3:6; 1 Timothy 2:14). We need to follow the pattern of Jesus and CHOOSE to rest in Adonai – in our case, in Jesus who rests in the Father. We have to stop trusting in our efforts, in our works, and rely SOLELY on what Jesus as freely provided us by grace. We have to stop relating to Adonai based on our performance and our accomplishments or shortcomings. We have to relate to Adonai based on trusting in what Jesus has done one hundred percent. When we do that, we are connected through Jesus to the Father (John 15:5). When we are connected to the Father and see Him as our complete and total Source, we will be happy. That’s where happiness comes from. Happiness is a state of well-being and contentment. A satisfaction with life. We cannot have that outside of Jesus. We can have moments. We can have individual pleasurable experiences. But the emotion of happiness will wax and wane based on what feelings are rising and falling at any given time. It is ONLY through Jesus that we gain CONSISTENCY of happiness. Ruach HaKodesh calls it ‘JOY’ (Galatians 5:22-23). Joy is defined as that which causes happiness. Joy is what LEADS to happiness. If we want happiness, we NEED joy. We cannot have true or lasting joy without Jesus.

This is why marriage is defined as a covenant relationship between Adonai, a male, and a female. It is only when Elohim, a man, and a woman are together that all the pieces are available for success. Each aspect of the covenant partners brings their own benefits to the table. Ways of thinking, ways of working, abilities, strengths, and weaknesses (on the human side, anyway). By blending together, a unit is formed that is nigh-on unbreakable (Ecclesiastes 4:12). The job of the human partners is to compliment each other, bless each other, build each other up, and work together strengthening the combined AND individual relationships with Adonai, the provider of the Fruit we can build into our emotions and character. When HE is the Source and not each other, a marriage can be strong and secure against ALL comers – because who can overcome THE overcomer (John 16:33)?

The POINT of a marriage is a partnership to secure better relationship with Adonai as we walk out TOGETHER what He has called and empowered the couple to do – individually AND as a unit. Happiness is found in our marriage-like relationship with JESUS, not other humans. Jesus is the man, we are the woman, and the Father is Adonai. The type and shadow of human covenant relationships (as demonstrated in marriage) points us to our TRUE covenant relationship with Jesus. It is our marriage to HIM that is our Source of happiness and joy – provided by the Father from whom ALL good things flow (James 1:17). Our marriages should point to the Sabbath Marriage we have in and with Jesus. That is our model and that is also why looking at how marriages were designed to work shows us how our relationship with Jesus is designed to work. The more we learn about the one, the more we learn about the other – and with both we have a counsellor (THE Counsellor) to help us. Never ignore His instructions. Never argue or despise them. They are meant to teach us what we need to know to have the healthiest, happiest, and most fulfilling marriages possible – with each other AND with Jesus.

Daily Affirmation of the Goodness of Elohim: Hebrews 4:16

“Therefore let us approach with confidence to the throne of grace, in order that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” If there are issues in our marriage, we’re meant to come TOGETHER and not seek to run to others. It is always best to start side by side, not picking other people to hoist our flag. Of course, when our issues are with each other that can be a little more complex. The answer – as with ALL things – is Jesus. When we are in trouble, we are meant to run TO Adonai, not FROM Adonai. By leaning into what HE has to say about the situation, we diffuse it. We take BLAME away, because we are humbly submitting to Jesus. There wouldn’t BE a problem if we didn’t have wrong thinking about Him. Because He is PERFECT and His PERFECT CHARACTER is available to us. When we think a fight is brewing, we need to take the time to go to Jesus with it BEFORE we start slinging arrows around. This is especially true and important in a marriage, but it is good practise no matter WHAT kind of relationship/interaction we are dealing with. We can be CONFIDENT that He will hear us. That He will listen to us. AND that He will CORRECT US – individually AND together – so that going forward we are united with Him and HIS way of thinking. United in letting HIS character shine forth in our lives – personal and public. Lending us HIMSELF so we don’t have to be stuck with OUR selves (2 Corinthians 5:21). What a GOOD God!

Your Daily Confession of Elohim’s Goodness:

I taste and see that Yahweh is good; I am blessed because I take refuge in Him.

Psalm 34:8