Fear No Fear

(All scripture from the World English Bible, ebible.org, all rights reserved)

“Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you, than that I should give her to another man. Stay with me.” Jacob served seven years for Rachel. They seemed to him but a few days, for the love he had for her. Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her.” Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast.”
(Genesis 29:19-22)

Laban knew a good deal when he saw one. Seven years of labour without needing to pay Jacob anything. This was a chance to grow. To be prosperous. Jacob had already proved he was capable. Why not get some real advantage of it? Since Laban was bound to let Rachel marry SOMEONE, why not take advantage of this situation and let Jacob be that man? It was a no brainer.

Jacob loved Rachel. Throughout his life that love doesn’t waver. He felt and would always feel that she was worth any amount of trouble or effort. He loved her completely. This was HIS idea, not Laban’s. Seven years of honest labour, not shirking his responsibilities, not taking a penny for his efforts. That was what he saw as the worth of being able to marry this woman. How many marriages would be stronger from the get go if this was the value we placed on the opportunity to marry our spouse? How would our marriages grow if this was part of the foundation we built them on? If we valued the other person this much?

Laban is now showing his opportunistic side. His true colours. Jacob offers an arrangement, and Laban agrees. He doesn’t bring up any cultural issues. For seven years Jacob labours, and Laban says nothing of any problems with their base agreement. The seven years pass, Jacob (now eighty-four years old) asks for his rightful due, and Laban says nothing to him. Laban arranges a big wedding feast to last a whole week, and mentions no issues or sticking points at all. Laban had plenty of opportunity to bring up anything that was going to be an issue right from the very beginning. But he didn’t. He was playing a long game. He was laying groundwork behind the scenes. Whispering where he needed to and never letting anything get to Jacob’s ears. He had a plan, he saw it as good, and he followed it. This behaviour echoes that of Jacob himself and his mother Rebekeh. They sowed seeds of deceit when they stole Esau’s blessing. Jacob has had a partial harvest (being separated from his family and relations with Esau being severely strained). He is about to harvest some more in his marriage arrangements.

Laban might have been a good man in some ways, but his eye was always on how something would be an advantage to himself. He was opportunistic. He didn’t let FEELINGS interfere with the potential for PROFIT.

The Torah: A Women’s Commentary writes: ‘Laban speaks of Rachel as a gift that he will bestow on his nephew and says nothing about the work extracted from Jacob. Laban’s manipulation of Jacob begins with his appeal to familial bonds, asserting that it is within his power to “give” Rachel to whomever he desires. a few days. Heb. ke-yamim achadim. Jacob’s perception of his seven years of labor as “a few days” recalls the yamim achadim (“a while,” literally “a few days”) that his mother, Rebekah, had recommended that he spend with Laban (27:44). JACOB’S MARRIAGE TO LEAH AND RACHEL (29:22–30) In Jacob’s mind the marital relationship with Rachel will be enacted by his initiation of the sexual act. Where Jacob imagines an act of intimacy, Laban plans a public feast.’

The sage Or HaChaim writes: ‘ויאמר לבן טוב תתי אותה לך, Laban said: “better that I give her to you, etc.” We need to understand what Laban meant by this comparison. Why would he be justified in making such a comparison between Jacob and someone else when no one else had been willing to serve for Rachel? Perhaps Laban simply told a lie making Jacob believe that he had a competitive offer for Rachel by another suitor willing to serve for her. Besides, how could Laban have the nerve to describe letting Jacob marry Rachel as a gift, i.e. תתי? Did not Jacob contract to work for seven years thus paying for her worth? We also need to understand Laban’s last words שבה עמדי, “stay with me.” It is clear from Laban’s very words that he intended to trick Jacob by giving him Leah, as he indeed did later on. This is why he engaged in this kind of statement. He meant that it is better that he would give Rachel to him as in such a case Jacob would not be able to argue that he had not received his purchase. After all, we observe Jacob argue later: “Did I not serve for Rachel?” We will explain all of this later. Laban wanted Jacob to understand that he would receive Rachel as an absolute gift. As to the seven years of service Jacob would perform, this was only the justification for giving Rachel to him rather than to another suitor. Laban could have given Rachel to another man who did not perform labour for him, i.e. מתתי אותה לאיש אחר. Laban did not agree that Rachel’s worth could be purchased by seven years of labour. When he added: שבה עמדי, he made the eventual marriage to Rachel conditional on Jacob remaining with him all the seven years. Laban was not content to allow Jacob to perform this service for him away from his presence. He also phrased it so cunningly that it could mean that Jacob was to remain with Laban all his life. Acording to Shemot Rabbah 1,33 Yitro made a similar condition when he gave his daughter Tzipporah to Moses. Laban had no need to make Jacob take an oath since the matters he and Laban had discussed could be acquired legally by an exchange of words. Yitro, on the other hand, may have made Moses swear in order to forestall Moses moving away if Tzipporah would be willing to move away with him. The above mentioned thoughts all crossed Laban’s mind to be used in the event that he would later on have a disagreement with Jacob. This is why G’d warned him in Genesis 31,24 not to speak to Jacob. Jacob did not pay heed to Laban’s intention at this time because Laban spoke to him in terms of endearment. Jacob interpreted Laban’s words to mean: “there is certainly no one around who is better suited than you that I would prefer to give my daughter to! All you have to do is to stay around!” ויעבד יעקב ברחל, Jacob served for Rachel, etc. The reason the Torah mentions ברחל is that Jacob made a public announcement at the time that his service with Laban was for Rachel and that her hand in marriage was the wages Laban had agreed to pay him in return for his service. A major reason he made this public pronouncement was to make it clear that he did not serve for Leah. ויאמר יעקב הבה לי אשתי, Jacob said: “hand me over my wife, etc.” The reason that Jacob added the (uncouth sounding) words “so that I can have physical relations with her,” something that even an uneducated person would not say, much less a person of Jacob’s learning and sensitivity, can be explained by reference to Maimonides in chapter five of his Hilchot Ishut. If someone declares to his bride to-be: “you are betrothed to me in exchange for certain work I shall perform for you and he performs this work, this is not a valid form of betrothal since the compensation the bride receives (the work) is considered as a loan only, and one cannot acquire a bride by means of a loan.” This is why Jacob said: הבה, “hand over!” Up until he had completed the work contracted for, Rachel had not even been his betrothed. Jacob was aware that he had not acquired Rachel by means of the value of the work he performed for Laban. As a result he could acquire her only by means of having physical relations with her. He therefore had to ask Laban to make this possible by handing her over, i.e. ואבא אליה. There is another way to solve our problem. We know that both Rachel and Leah told Jacob later on that their father considered them as strangers whom he had sold (Genesis 31,15). Concerning the laws of purchase of properties or slaves Maimonides writes in Hilchot Mechirah chapter 7 that if one acquires either slaves or real estate by means of a loan such a purchase is valid even if no money changes hand at the time. When Jacob said to Laban הבה את אשתי he meant that inasmuch as Rachel had already become his wife at the beginning of his servitude because he thought that he had “bought” her (in accordance with Maimonides), there was no need for actual money to change hands. The words הבה לי were not to be understood as the final act in the acquisition of Rachel as a wife, but were to be the prelude to his fulfilling his marital duties with a woman already his wife. He added the words ואבא אליה to preclude any pretense by Laban that Rachel was not yet his legally acquired wife.’